weather girls

enough with the news being highjacked by storms bearing horrible nineteen-seventees girl names already! i am over it. i am stating right here, right now, that if i were ever to run the national oceanic and atmospheric administration, i would change the system to start using drag queen names for storms. i would imagine that many young homosexuals would become instantly interested in being meterologists and getting to be on live tv talking about hurricanes with fabulous sounding names like 'hurricane sandy eggo', 'hurricane anita triscuit', 'hurricane rhoda dendron', and my all-time favourite, [thank you to my dear friend t, the drag queen!] the very understated 'hurricane simplicity mccall.'

this is j, the meteorologist, reporting live from south beach where hurricane kitten kaboodle is just about to make landfall. ladies and gentlemen, i have to warn you, kitten is not, i repeat, kitten kaboodle is not lip-synching tonight. she is live and she is fierce!

of course, i would take it one step further and instead of rating them by the so-obscure saffron-simpsons categories, i'd just use dress sizes. can you imagine the dramatic news flash:

hurricane lickity split is now a size eight! she is expected to reach the double-digits before the night is over!

my sister once swore she would commit suicide if she ever wore a double-digit size, so you know that has to be a devastating hurricane. anyway, that's what i'd do if i were asked to run to n.o.a.a.

in the background::don't rain on my parade:barbra streisand