pushing [my] buttons

my therapist knows the struggle i've had about trying to make the house the E is building also 'my' house. i admit freely that i don't have an emotional attachment to the house the way that E does. it's his dream house, not mine; he's been waiting patiently for over three years to make it happen, i haven't. instead it is more of a traditional architect/ client relationship when it comes to E and myself in regards to the house. i was tasked with picking the interior finishes, and E handled the budget. and more than a year later, i still haven't grown attached to it. i guess i always assumed, like every other house i have worked on, that after it's done, there will be another house for another client. houses will come and go like the men in my life have done.

but this past week, i bought something for the house; something i've not done thus far. i bought the most beautiful door bell button i've ever seen. i've had my eye on this particular doorbell for some time now, thinking that one day i would have something like that for my own home, patiently waiting for that day to arrive. as a designer i know that very often it is the very smallest of details that are overlooked, but that can make the most impact on people. the doorbell button very often is the first thing anyone ever touches on a house, the entry door handle being the second. but when was the last time you saw a door bell button that you thought was cool or you took a second look at? doorbell buttons, ladies and gentlemen, are relagated to a class of being merely utilitarian, more lowly than door knockers. and why wouldn't they be, since they are also used to operate the garage doors in most houses in america, too?

so, tonight in therapy i mentioned having bought the doorbell button and therapist was ecstatic. i went on telling him i have been spending alot of time and energy working on the entry to this house: trying to find the right color for the door, the right handle, even the right amount of sandblasting for the glass, and now, on a whim, buying this doorbell button. of course as i went on i began to realise that it is very important for me to get this entry perfect, because until i get the entry how i like it, i will never be able to move into the house and become emotionally attached to it. it is all truthfully symbolic of the relationship that i have with E's house. i am on the outside, but after i ring the bell and step through the door, i will finally feel like i am home.

in the background::house inspector:mac sample