to hell...then back again

i spent three days last week on a recruiting trip for my company to go and seek out the best and brightest architecture grads from one of the four major universities in texas. i'm not sure why i accepted the invitation, but suffice it to say i will not make that mistake twice.

first, a geography lesson: if the name of the town to which one is traveling is actually called "college station" it is best to turn back and go home, as it is likely in the middle of fucking nowhere. fucking nowhere being three hours south and west of dallas, one hour north and west of houston. it's also highly probable that said university is of the agricultural and mechanical variety and the students refer to themselves as "aggies." that word "aggie" alone speaks volumes, does it not?

second, a lesson in personal transport: if your travel agent sends a confirmation email to you and the word "minivan" appears in the car rental section, do not leave home. i tried to reason with our h.r. manager by stating the obvious fact that i though nearly everyone on the planet was aware of: gay men are forbidden to drive, ride, or even sit in a minivan, make that any form of van, unless, of course, it is the scooby-doo mystery machine van and freddie is taking his scarf off to get more comfortable. soccer moms and lesbians are all about minivans, though a lesbian's first choice would be, of course, a four-wheel drive station wagon. i told madame human resources that gay men are only allowed to sit/ drive/ ride/ make-out in imported sport- or luxury-sedans. this being dallas, and my h.r. manager being a typical texas divorcée who seems a little too close to her son, who still lives at home [you remember what i'm talking about!], she didn't understand my statement. i found out she actually hates the word "gay." so i like saying it several times in a single sentence. loudly...but i digress.

so there i was, driving to hell college station in a maroon minivan. and that minivan was not fuel efficient. no wonder the whole in the ozone is larger than antarctica, it's all of those soccer moms [and second-tier lesbians] in their damned minivans killing the atmostphere.

once we got to hell college station, we checked into the hotel and i was in for the night. my room must have been the gay sweet as it overlooked the rusted out marquee of the abandoned QUEEN theatre. awww, how sweet, they knew i'd feel at home.

lesson three, economics: when visiting a university town on an expense account, drink copious amounts of adult beverages as you will not drink so cheaply for a very, very, long time. example: myself and three others from the office wnt out for some drinks and chatted with some five or six students that we have our architectural eye on. we bought the drinks all night long. final bill arrives and it is fifty-eight dollars. i certainly have drank alot less for alot more!

lesson four is a personal lesson that some of you may or may not be able to relate to: when going on an extended business trip, jack-off as much as you can before leaving home, as nothing kills the mojo like staying in a restored victorian hotel with lots of lace doilies, wingback chairs, floral beadspreads, and a hundred years of dirt covering the windows. no worries, i made up for lost time.

in the background::behind the wheel:depeche mode