surrender

i was sitting at home this evening, sipping several glasses of rioja [it helps calm my nerves!], winding down from my torturous exam this afternoon [actually i lied, i was waking up from the long nap i took after my torturous exam!] perusing some online ads to check out exactly what my competition and prospects are as i consider getting back into the single life. i ran across the most intriguing ad and thought i'd share the highlights [does anyone still get highlights?]:

...heavy ass play, kidnapping, forced abduction, cloroformed, enemas, gas masks, uniforms, cf sl, pnp, floggers, ropes, cuffs, hoods, gags, et...

people are still using cloroform? that is so angie dickinson slash police woman.

it's obvious this guy is a sexual overachiever, being adept at all of those fetishes, each one requiring a special skill set, specialised vocabulary, and pain threshold.

is this really what i am up against in trying to find a date? i can't compete with this shit! i studied for a seven-hour exam for weeks on end, late into the nights, and had to come home and take a nap when it was all over. i wouldn't know the first thing about flogging except for what i remember reading the scarlet letter as a sophomore in high school. hell, i had only just only mastered self love; i couldn't be bothered taking notes on the finer nuances used in flogging rituals slash punishments. whatever happened to playing 'good cop-bad cop?'

now it's playing 'fifty-first airborne assault on heavily armed central america drug cartel compound involving several forced-abduction and kidnapping victims.' i wonder if there are cloroform cartels anywhere in the world? anyway, i am throwing in the white hankie because i am apparently way out of my league nowadays. it sucks being a single, handsome, mid-thirties, stylish architect. however, if you happen to know someone who is in desperate need of having a dungeon or bunker or prison cell designed, give him my number. in the meantime, could someone pass the cloroform?

in the background::love pains:liza minelli