three-alarm recipe for hell

ingredients::

• one bear-type, early-fiftes, hetero cheapskate contractor;

• one early-fiftes, recently-divorced, freshly tanned, hetero electrical engineer;

• a mid-forties, must-be-closeted, anal-retentive hetero land developer;

• a gorgeous, late-forties, hetero former nfl football player who employs all of the above;

• one mid-thirties, handsome, gay, über-stylish sought-after architect;
  

preparation::

1. soak first ingredient in catholicism for over fifty years;
2. infuse next three ingredients in ultra-conservative christian beliefs for nearly fifty years;
3. make sure first four ingredients are outspoken republicans;
4. put all five ingredients in a seafood restaurant in suburban austin texas;
5. fold in to all hetero ingredients various amounts of bud light, sauvignon blanc, and diet coke and let settle;
6. give handsome, gay, über-stylish, sought-after architect minimum three double dirty finlandia martinis - stirred, not shaken - before food arrives, three glasses of châteauneuf-du-pape with dinner;
7. sprinkle copious amounts of religion at table;
8. pepper conversation with politics;
9. toss in sadly-mistaken, hetero belief "thank god george w. bush will make everything right;"
10. add subtle dashes of comments from handsome, gay, über-stylish, sought-after architect about catholic priestly scandals involving alter boys, the bishops that hide "those fuckers," bastard children of popes, and war-mongering presidents;
11. after several hours, remove from restaurant and place them all in a cheap motel in suburban austin;
    

note::recipe lasts for three days;

in the background::bow down mister:boy george