since i heard that we were going to keep getting rain, and the flooding was going to be even worse, i decided to take matters into my own hands: i built an ark. i actually did it over the last few weeks since we are getting rains in biblical proportions and that won't be ending soon. another week or so and the plants begin to die from excess rainfall.
building an ark hasn't been that difficult, really, since anyone, even an athiest like me, can buy the plans from the internet for fiteen bucks plus shipping. the only hard thing was the gopher wood. i am sure that gopher wood is not cheap and probably not easy to find either. so, i opted for the next best thing: southern yellow pine from home depot. if anyone asks, i did have to "go for wood" to the homo depot, so it might work. while i was at the homo depot, i also cruised the bathrooms. might as well, it's going to be gone soon. of course, nothing in terms of hot cruiseable men. dammit!
after i finished the ark and all of the interviews, photo-ops and publicity spots on tv and radio, i was ready to set sail, except i had a big decision to make: what animals do i take with me in the ark? there is no way in hell i am going to put two of every animal in my boat.yes, i have favourites. but exactly what animals to choose to repopulate the earth with after this flood wipes it all away?
i didn't have a clue, but i thought i should go to the eagle and ask which animals i should take. little known fact here, there is alot of knowledge to be gained from the eagle. going to the eagle was pretty easy since there in only one eagle in all of dfw, it's like the oracle of delphi. and luckily, my car can get there without my assistance, thank you very much.
when i finally got to the eagle, i got so many useful pieces of advice on exactly what animals to take on board my ark in order to procreate and repopulate the planet: bears. black bears, brown bears, polar bears, panda bears, koala bears. you name it, all bears, get on board. and cubs. all the cubs that can fit are welcome on my ship.
of course. in addition, wolverines, otters and coyotes were also recommended to be allowed on. after that, i decided that i'd allow on all the pups i could find to take on the cruise. of course, there was also several foxes and dogs that were able to sneak on as the pups came on board. the final groups of animals i wanted to make sure and take were a few lambs, chicken, pigs, and stallions. i haven't been able to double check yet, but a few asses were probably were able to get past security, too. not to worry, if they harass the other animals, they are overboard.
the ark wil be leaving soon, since the rian is still coming down, so if there are others i should not forget to take, let me know. otherwise, bon voyage. see you when the waters recede.
in the background::they say it's gonna rain:hazell dean
1 comment:
Don't forget the otters!
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